Coveting
By Princess Alexandria
A/N: This makes a lot more sense if you are
familiar with the New X-men storyline, especially the Assault on Weapon Plus and
Planet X storylines. I borrowed some
scenes and dialogue directly, along with characters, a world… all the typical fanfiction thefts.
Suing me would be fruitless. My
one main possession is my computer and that wouldn't pay for the lawyer.
A/N: There be femslash
here as I try and fix what the writers did to the Jean/Scott/Emma
triangle. Really, like he's worth all
the fuss. Here is how it should have
gone…
***************
CHAPTER ONE: Confrontation
She slept with my husband. It may have only been in their minds, but it was real. She did this right under my nose in spite of the bond I share with Scott. She'd gotten him to talk when all I was getting was silence. While all this was happening I held my tongue and kept telling myself he'd never do that to me; that my fears were paranoid nightmares. I was a fool, and she helped to make me that.
Children had to tell me what was going on with my own husband. Children I taught. I felt like the lowest, blindest fool when they contacted me and gave voice to my fears. That my own students knew of this shame before me was humiliating. I hated them both for that.
I confronted them. I don't know what was more shocking, seeing my husband doing that with another woman, or seeing Emma wearing my old outfit while they did. Most men want to forget about their wives while sleeping with their mistresses, so of course Scott goes the other way. I didn't know what to say about that, so I said nothing. He managed to find a way to punish himself with the guilt while still doing the act. Only my Scott could manage that.
My Scott. Right. I just have to shake my head at that bitter thought. He loves me, he has ever since we were young, but he never has been fully mine. He holds himself back in everything, and still manages to make me feel like he isn't. But I see it now. He always has held himself separate from me, and he's always wanted more. Maddie, Betsy, and now Emma. All men wander, that's what I've heard, but I didn't want to believe it of him. I shared my soul with him and I've been getting nothing back lately.
I'm not an idiot, in spite of my blindness. I know what's going on, but I'm helpless to stop it. It's over. I wanted to hate her, I wanted to feel like hurting her would make it better. I wanted… I wanted to blame her for this. Blame her for the awkward reactions I get from people I've known for years when I walk in the room. I wanted to blame her for the whispers behind my back, the pity as people think about what a victim I am.
It's because I wanted to hate her that I marched into that room and blocked the door. Wanting to hate her lead me to shove into her mind rougher than I normally ever do, rougher than I do to most of our enemies. I liked her fear as she trailed after me begging for mercy as I tore through her mind… I liked it until I suddenly didn't. I went in there to punish her, to terrify her, so why did I stop to reassure her I wouldn't hurt her while I continued my tour?
I finally met her, that's why, and I was stunned by what I saw, not that I let her sense that. Her mask, the one she wears around everyone sinks into her mind and I had believed the mask. I had no idea someone else was inside of there. Her skill at hiding that was remarkable. I've known Emma, mostly as an enemy, for years, but until that moment I don't think I'd ever met her. I actually felt a little ashamed of the compulsion I planted in her mind to be honest with me. To explain the scenes she was showing me of her life, because then she was. Completely honest, in both word and emotion and I felt it all.
I started to like her and that helped me hate her. How dare she be more than I thought! How dare she be… I found the hate I was looking for and it gave me the strength to hurt her. Her biggest weakness is her guilt over the death of her students and I grabbed onto that and dragged it into the light. I felt victorious as her pain grew, her helplessness grew. I felt like a sadistic child tormenting a helpless puppy, all full of power and anger.
This wasn't about Scott anymore, so it was a shock when he showed up. I had her on the ground and she was still fighting. My power is easily far beyond hers, but her determination pulled her out enough to talk back, to try and defend herself. I found more hate because I admired that about her. I shouldn't have to like anything about my husband's mistress. It wasn't right.
My angry words with Scott blended with my feelings of anger
and hurt. I don't remember most of what was
said by either of us. What I do remember
was looking over at Emma sitting on the ground, almost cowering, with tears
running down her face. I did that, and I
felt ashamed. I felt like going to her
and helping her up, because the White Queen shouldn't be looking like that and
the impulse to help her shocked me. Brought me back to myself.
I wanted to hate her, but I couldn't.
This wasn't her fault. I accused
her of using Scott's vulnerability but in looking at both of them,
I realized it was the other way around.
Scott had used her and she was so desperate for love, for affection,
that she'd allowed it knowing full well what he was doing. I pitied her.
I had to leave the room before I ruined my huge scene by apologizing for
myself and my husband. Scott at least
had the good sense to leave before I could turn on him, but at that point I was
beyond anger. I'd burned it out with the
I ignored the Professor's fearful questions, marched past
Logan and left. Even the Professor
didn't catch the subtle push I did on
He is out there somewhere, most likely getting drunk and
thinking about how this affects him and only him. I love him, and he's my best friend, but his
selfishness is stunning. It was one
thing when it was just me, but as I watched Henry putting the pieces of Emma's
body together I knew it isn't just me anymore.
She loves him, and he walked out on her when she needed him most. That's when I knew. He was poison. This link I made with him when I was young is
for life, but I need to let him go. He
has to grow up, and I can't do this anymore.
I'll ask
Emma died today. The same day I realized I loved her. Bishop, if you think I killed her you just have to look into my heart and you'll know. I couldn't. I can't even cry, because she was right. I claimed she was the cold one unable to feel, but it's me.
********
CHAPTER TWO: Kiss
This is where she died. I walked to the window and just stared out at the nice summer day. Regret is a powerful emotion, and apparently I'm still able to feel it. Emma was wrong, I didn't forget all my emotions.
The last thing I did to her was torture her. She died before I had a chance to apologize. With a heavy sigh I moved to open the curtain wider and let in cool air. "Emma." I spoke quietly, fully aware I wasn't supposed to be in this room. It was still a murder scene. "I'm sorry."
When I turned to leave I noticed a light from under the couch. Something shining. I moved to kneel on the ground and reached underneath to grab it. Her lips. The ache in my eyes came with a flood of tears as I held them in my hand staring at them.
I don't know what possessed me, but I carefully took those lips between two fingers and raised them to my own. A gentle kiss, the only one I'll ever get from her. "I'm so sorry." I whispered into those lips. A wave of nervous embarrassment hit me after I did that, but there were no witnesses. "We really are a mess aren't we Emma?" I moved to sit on the couch while I stared at those lips. "We could be our own soap opera." I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I'm divorcing him. It isn't your fault, you just made me realize it was time." The silence was hard to deal with in this room. It already felt like a tomb. "I would have hated it Emma, but I would have rather you lived and took my husband than this." A fresh wave of tears fell.
It took a while to clean up and walk into Henry's lab with my find. I made sure to sweep the area more carefully and found another small piece of her to go with it. He was insane to think he could put her back together and she'd breath, but I understood why he needed to try. Unfortunately we are more than just our bodies, and even if we could put her back into a whole piece, she is gone.
He was grateful, and didn't mention the hint of lipstick on her lips when I handed them over. I'd like to think he didn't notice. I moved around the table, looking at her. He'd done a miracle, she was nearly whole looking, but with painful ugly cracks that made it clear she wasn't just sleeping. I moved to stare into her eyes, into her face, and let her brokenness haunt me. It was instinct that made me try to reach her. I honestly didn't expect an answer, but I got one.
"wait a second… Emma's consciousness is still clinging here." I whispered in shock. Once again her determination astounded me. This woman was incredibly strong, and she was alive. My eyes traveled over her broken form with a new purpose. I took in the cracks, the tiny particles that hadn't been placed in a home. Maybe…
I looked up into Henry's face and remembered the conversation we'd been having. I told him about the fake memory those girls planted in him, while working on my idea in my head. I could see he was stunned by both my declaration that Emma still existed and the play.
I ignored both as I turned to Emma and prayed that I wasn't
making it worse. If I couldn't fix it
all her pain would be incredible. The
"I know everybody's worried about me, Hank." I glanced up at him and noticed the red glow on his fur from my fire. "Everybody thinks the Phoenix Force is turning me into some kind of destroyer, but it's not like that. I have trouble with the rushes, but I'm okay, really." I had to ease his mind so that he could help me. I had to make things up to Emma, and I couldn't do that if she remained dead.
"I think I can make things right here." I pray I can. "This isn't the first time Emma's been disembodied. So I'm thinking I could maybe fuse the diamond molecules together telekinetically." I take a heavy breath as I sense his hope. "Maybe I'm over-reaching…" I admitted that quietly.
I had him help me by giving me his medical knowledge. I sifted through it quickly and thoroughly as I moved the last pieces of her into place and worked to fuse her back together. If she hadn't shifted to diamond form before she was hit there wouldn’t be any hope. I hope this is enough.
Even as she sat up and screamed out a name in pain I continued to work on the cracks. She was moving, but I was holding her together. If I let go for a second she'd fall apart all over again. I'm not going to let her. I calmed her mind while I had Henry give her a physical. I didn't let go until he told me I could. I wanted, needed that second opinion.
"Well, Sage is going to be disappointed." I muttered stupidly as I moved to leave. When she came too she didn't need to see me. I went to go tell Bishop and Sage Emma told us who her murderer had been, actually I just went. I sent the information to them telepathically and returned to my room before anyone saw me. I needed to be alone.
********
Esme got away. I could find her, hunt her down, and part of me would like that. She was the one that did this to Emma and Emma was still in pain and healing. She was also the one that thought it was a good idea to tell me about the affair, making me a suspect in the murder as well.
There's no time like the present. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open with my hip while I held onto the tray with both hands. My powers scared the others, and for this moment I'd cater to their fear. "Well, Emma… I brought you lunch." I glance over at the woman on the bed and can see some resentment. Henry must have told her why she's still alive. She didn't like that I was more powerful, not in a terrified of my power way, it was more her jealousy. At least she hadn't been terrified of my power. Time would tell if I'd changed that when I attacked her mind.
Today is the day I have to tell her that Scott left us both
and isn't on his way back.
Is it too much to hope she'd notice I was available too? I sighed quietly when I turn away from her to put her tray down. It was probably way too much to hope for that she'd notice me suddenly. If I want her to consider me, I have to give her a reason. It took an effort to not chuckle at that thought. She'd take it as an insult, not realizing where my mind had taken me. I'm going to pursue the White Queen, my husband's mistress. Jerry Springer would love to hear from me.
How much of this is wanting her and how much is wanting him to be alone for what he's done to both of us? I'm ashamed to admit both come into play.
"I'll take you on a tour of the gardens when you are done eating." I smile gently at her and can sense her cautious fear. She's too weak to argue much. I deserve that suspicion, but it isn't going to help my cause. "No debating. I'll be back in a half hour." Henry glances at me when I leave. I didn't really want to have this talk with Emma when he was around. It would be awkward enough as it was.
********
CHAPTER THREE: Conversation
The sun glistened off of her diamond form as I pushed the wheelchair along the path to a private part of the gardens. With summer here there were fewer students, and those few that were here I mentally encouraged to stay away. I wanted privacy for this, for both of us.
Emma was silent and I could feel she was preparing herself from another argument. Most likely my demands she stay away from my husband. She was going to be surprised.
I pulled us up to a bench and stopped the wheelchair. Emma hated using it, but she was still weak, and until we were sure the fusions I did were going to hold Henry had her on a tight leash. She couldn't even shift back to her normal form until he finished studying the xrays he took of her to make sure a vital crack hadn't escaped my attention. I made sure not to miss anything but wasn't willing to risk her life without having that second opinion.
"Emma." I spoke softly as I sat on the bench facing her.
She'd been abnormally quiet as I pushed her here, so her voice was a welcome change, even though it was laced with anger. "What, so now you've decided to attack me when I can't even stand? Didn't you do enough when you crashed through my mind? Must I listen to your judgment even now?"
My eyes hardened at her attitude. Her disregard for the fact she'd been with my husband. It took a moment for old habits of yelling back at her could be squelched before it ruined what I was planning here. This was her mask, and now that I knew it I wasn't going to let her make me fall for it.
"No, that's not why I wanted to talk." I continued in a softer voice, not letting any anger in. "My anger should have been directed at Scott, not you. It was him that cheated on me. He's the one that betrayed my trust." But instead I'd blamed her, just like I'd blamed Betsy before her. It was so much easier if I blamed the women he wanted. "I am sorry I attacked you. You never ALLOWED anyone to die. It was ridiculous of me to say it." I had to apologize for that very low blow. It wasn't like she neglected her students and they died, she did everything she could to protect them and it wasn't enough. If it had been me I would have given up teaching long ago, but she kept going back to it. She cared that much.
Her quiet glare held more than enough hostility. "How gracious of you to apologize AFTER ripping through my mind."
"You did sneak around…" My voice started to rise with her anger. It took a lot to hold it back, but Emma's
slightly startled look at the
"So we all have to bow down to the great Jean, and if we don't it's our own fault we get burned? How convenient for you." Emma's voice was filled with venom and for a moment it flared my anger, but just as quickly it stopped. Only Emma wouldn't be afraid of me. I just shook my head a little and fought the small smirk that wanted to come to me. Everyone else was too scared to upset me. They walked on eggshells around me. Emma didn't.
"It's no excuse. I know that." I sighed heavily and relaxed. "Did you know this isn't the first time he's…" I glance away, towards the soft clouds in the blue sky. I felt ashamed that he cheats with his heart so easily, that he takes it so far, but this wasn't my fault either. "Nevermind."
"No, I want to hear this." Emma still sounded demanding. Maybe she did have a right to know. Maybe it would affect her decision.
"Whenever he isn't happy with his life, with himself, he starts looking at other women." I glance over at her. "I blamed Betsy, I blamed you. Really the only common denominator is him. I see that now."
"Well, there is you too." The look in her eyes made it clear she was insulting me.
"Not anymore." I returned to staring at the flowers. "He's always in charge. If it's an important decision I'm never allowed to make it. He runs away and makes me worry until he comes back and informs me how life is going to change. He's run away again Emma." I turn to see she's a bit more pale than normal. I hate to do this, but it has to be done. "He left you when you really needed him. Left you to deal with me, with being killed… if you plan to take him, get used to never being equal. He's going to come back, make a brief apology, and tell you how your life is going to change."
"Me?"
"If you want him, you can have him." It hurts to say that, knowing she could very well make that decision. "I've filed for divorce. I'm tired of it. If he doesn't leave me for you, next year he'll meet someone else and I'll have to go through this all over again." I sighed and leaned back on the bench, swiveling to that I rested on my elbows and my legs took up the rest of the room.
"So you are tossing him away and I'm supposed to be grateful?"
"No," She wasn't getting it. My voice got softer as I moved to sit up
again and give her my full attention.
Not that she'd had anything less, but I made it clear she had it. "Regardless of what you decide, I'm
leaving him. What you should be is smart, do you want a man that would leave you here with
me?
She is such a proud woman. I turned away to stare at the sky when I noticed her jaw clenching, just to give her time to accept that Scott did that to her. She loves him, and this is new to her. My voice was very quiet, just enough for her to hear. "He does things like that to me too. He may very well love you Emma, but this is as good as it gets with him."
"I think I've had enough fresh air." Emma's voice was cold. I nodded and stood to take her back inside.
"I'll come by after breakfast tomorrow and we can take another walk." I spoke as I started towards the building with her. "You shouldn't be stuck in that medlab all day."
"Why are you doing this?" Her suspicious nature was expected. I looked down to see her looking over her shoulder at me as I pushed the wheelchair.
"I want to." I gave her a smile, and didn't react when it wasn't returned.
"And if I don't want you to?"
I let my smile grow just a bit to annoy her, petty I know. "I'll be by around nine."
********
Chapter 4:
Cutting Loose
The clock radio started just moments after I'd opened my eyes. My internal clock was still so set to his
time that I couldn't have slept in if I wanted to, not that I wanted to
today. With a heavy sigh I rolled onto
my back and studied the ceiling in our room as a haunting tune started to
play. It sounded soothing and dark,
different from the normal songs I would wake up to. It was a gently way to wake up. Strange how his betrayal is the last thing I
think about at night and the first I think about in the morning. How long will it be like that?
I had time, lots of time, since he wasn't here to share the bathroom
with. His unplanned trips gave me
freedom and spare time in the morning, and I used to feel a bit guilty about
enjoying them. Not anymore. The soft sounds of My Immortal filled our
bedroom as the sun crept closer to the bed to try and reinforce the idea that I
had to face the day.
Tossing the sheets off of me, I still laid still to listen to it. Wounds that won't heal, wiping away his
tears… fighting away his fears, pieces of the lyrics seemed to call to me. I started to see my own problems in a
song. I was always there for him. He was my best friend and I supported him in
everything.
When I needed support, when I was having problems dealing alone, he found
someone else to share his fears with. I
just rolled onto my arms to get up. It
was a bitter lesson to learn how poorly I'd invested my love. I didn’t ask for these powers that scare
everyone, but even my husband had pulled away from me when I started to scare
them. I never told anyone how much that
bothered me, them asking like I was no longer myself, but some sort of body
snatcher. Even the Professor is telling
people not to upset me because I might loose control.
I’m still stunned that he ran. I find out he cheated on me and he runs off to work out of town for who knows how long, leaving before we can even talk about this for more than a moment. He stormed into the room and then ran.
I'm not waiting for him to come back to me this time. I know he’s okay, our link gives me that, but he doesn’t call anyone to tell him he is. It’s a selfish thing to do, and I’d told him that the last time he disappeared. I’d argued that if I’d done that he would have been just as mad as I was, and I’d asked him to call someone, even someone else if that happened again. I gave evidence that it wasn’t unusual for one of the Xmen to be captured and without that call we’d worry that he had been. I’d argued for hours and he’d promised that no matter what happened he would never do that to me again. Never make me wonder if he was stuck in a cage or about to be killed. He still did it again.
As I brush my hair I stare into my own eyes, noticing how weary they look. It's how I feel, run down, used, betrayed. He was with me for years, but thinking back I realize that he hasn’t been there for me in a while. The loneliness was something I got used to, didn't notice, but it was there. If I was lonely with him here, maybe with him gone I can fix that. My mind travels to the blonde telepath that he’d left behind as he ran. It’s surprising that I feel so close to her, but after the way I went into her mind, touched her soul, even against her will. Against her will, that still haunts me now. I plowed through her like a bull in the china shop, barely paying any attention to her pain. I never expected to care about her, but now I worry that she won’t be able to forgive that.
I plan to try and find out if she can. I’ve already convinced Henry to let me take over helping her as she heals. A slight smirk came to my lips as I remember his expression when I asked for that. It fades a little as I remember how he’d made me promise not to hurt her. He was just watching out for her and I couldn’t argue that he shouldn’t worry. I’d already done enough to set precedent. I could see why he’d worry, but the fact that it didn’t take long to talk him into it showed some trust. Someone trusted me to control myself even in the face of the antagonism we all knew the White Queen would toss my way. That was a gift.
Today I also have to drop by the lawyers. I had the man mail me the papers and they were filled out. I can imagine Scott'll act devastated when I give them to him. I can already visualize how much he'll want me when I tell him I'm not doing this anymore. I’m not waiting for him to make up his mind, and he won’t like that. I know why he isn’t here, but how arrogant is it to think both women will just wait for him to make up his mind and come back to tell them who he wants.
God, I don’t want him to have her. The idea of watching them together kills me. I live here, they are on my team, I work here. I wouldn’t be able to escape it. Not if I stayed. The ache in my chest at the thought of leaving comes with a bitterness. Why should I have to be the one to leave? I wasn’t the cheater, I… I know he won’t. I know he shouldn’t. I hate knowing that if I do this, hand in these papers, I’ll be losing much more than him.
I’ve lived here most of my life, but this will take that away from me as well. God damn him for this.
********
As I promised I started down to the medlab after breakfast. I had to ignore the questioning glance the Professor gave me as I did it. I know this must look odd to people. They don’t know the half of it.
“It’s a beautiful day.” I said cheerfully as I stepped into the medlab. Henry glanced up from his research and took in my shorts and crop top. It really was a beautiful day, but I normally wore more. I could see his eyebrow raise, but thankfully he said nothing as I made my way to the side of Emma’s bed. I sent more quietly to his mind ~How is she? Can she start walking yet?~
Prudently he kept his reply mental. Emma wouldn’t like my asking, but if she was well enough I want to give her a break from that wheelchair. ~Keep it light, but I don’t see any evidence of cracks. She’s just weak from the ordeal. I told her to remain in her diamond form for another day before shifting back.~
“Well?” I looked at her and noticed her expression. I’m throwing off her expectations and the wary look my friendly smile gets is interesting. “The garden or the lake?”
Emma glanced at Henry’s back thoughtfully for a moment, then turned to me. “Garden.” I just managed to hide my surprise. I’d expected more of a fight.
The trip outside was still tense and quiet, like I remembered it. Once there wasn’t other people on the path, due to my creatively projecting an aversion to roses in peoples minds, Emma shifted a little in her seat.
“So, what are you after?” Emma’s eyes narrowed after her. “Your attack on me cost you your girlscout badge and you want it back?”
I lost some of my enjoyment of the sun for a moment as her comment stung, but I stared at her. “I don’t exactly have anyone else to be with right now, seeing as you stole my husband.” I wondered if I’d regret the bit of honesty I was about to exhibit. “And you don’t treat me like a shark that could start attacking anyone nearby at a moments notice.”
Well, that certainly worked to make her shut up. I continued pushing her wheelchair towards the garden as she moved to face forward again. I’d run through her mind finding her secrets. Maybe a little equality would help. “The others are also nervous around me and try to leave as soon as possible because they don’t know what to say to me. I’m being shunned because Scott cheated on me.”
“So you force me to be your companion on these garden strolls?” Emma didn’t manage to hide her surprise, but the cool mask she wore slid back into place. “Is this my punishment?”
I smiled at her attempt at a jab, which wouldn’t have sounded so weak if I hadn’t toured her mind. “You’re a captive audience.”
I let her have her silence as I moved to the bench again. I could see she was deep in thought. “Are you really divorcing him? Everyone always talks about how you two are inseparable.”
Everyone? I start to wonder how many people knew about this affair before I did. It isn’t a nice feeling to think my friends and teammates had covered for Scott’s indiscretions. “I filled out the paperwork and have an appointment with a lawyer this afternoon.” It just feels empty when I talk about this. “I’ll still have that link, I can’t break it. I don’t know how that will work.” I had to sigh. That would be a nightmare.
We stared at the flowers in silence again. The cool breeze made the summer morning smell clean and fresh. “I’ll manage.” I didn’t need to make her feel guilty, I’d already made my decision, and I knew it was the right one.
“Esme hasn’t been found has she?” Emma put forth a change in topic.
“No, she just walked out. Sage and Bishop couldn’t stop her and we can’t find her now.” I didn’t like how that little girl caused all of this and got away. She was right here in our midst and attacked one of our own. How do regular high school teachers deal with violence like that? For one of Emma’s students, her favorite students, to hurt her like that has to hurt on so many levels. “You would have died to protect her and she repaid you by telling me about…” I went quiet, wondering if talking about this was a good idea. “It was them, they contacted me on my flight back. From the sounds of it they weren’t the only ones to know were they?” I should just let this go, but I suddenly felt betrayed by my friends. They knew, I could tell by her slight stiffening that they knew. “The other girls are asking about you. They seem concerned.” I force my hurt aside as I allow her change of subject to stand. “If you want visitors let me know. I think you might have a few that would like to see you are alright. Angel’s feeling horrible that Esme used her to do that.” Teaching was Emma’s life, so talking about her students actually seemed to relax her. I continued to explain how Angel was a mother and how her children were doing. We talked about how to deal with the needs for a facility to take care of children and the need to teach these kids how to avoid pregnancy in the future. The school wasn’t a place for infants but we couldn’t turn Angel and her kids away. All we could do was try to prevent this from happening again.
It was the least strained work related conversation we’d ever had, and I realized that it had been my distrust that had kept if from being like this before. If she’d brought up sex ed classes a month ago I’d have assumed she wanted to teach our kids to be far too sexually adventurous for their ages, not that she was worried about unplanned pregnancies. How much of the problems between us was because I never tried to believe in her change? It was a sobering thought.
********
Later after the lawyer, I felt drained. I walked in to dinner and could feel the eyes on me. I also noticed that Emma had been permitted to leave the medlab for dinner this time, and the others all kept glancing from one to the other of us quietly. Oh, they tried to be subtle, but it was pretty clear we were the dinner entertainment. I glanced over to her. “Emma, I was thinking that maybe we should work out a few lesson plans for the class we talked about earlier.” My voice was civil, friendly, and when Emma glanced up at me I thought for a moment I saw relief, which was covered quickly. Maybe she didn’t care for this type of attention either. Our personal lives were public record, and the glares she’d been getting made the silent treatment I’d been getting seem downright friendly.
“Perhaps after dinner Henry will be kind enough to let me go play.” Her voice held sarcasm as well as agreement. I could sense the confusion from the people that didn’t want to talk to me about this mess but felt free to glare at the other woman.
It was a tense moment before Henry spoke. “If you promise to rest if you get tired.” I had to smirk at his scolding tone.
The Professor was studying me again. It irritated me how often he’d stare at me, waiting for me to do something bizarre. Apparently this friendliness qualified. “I found the proposal you both left on my desk, but when I went to find you Jean you’d left.” I could hear the question he wasn’t asking. Where was I?
“I had some business to take care of in town.” My voice was deeper as I tried to convey my desire to not talk about this at dinner. Right now the only people I’d told about the lawyer were Warren who gave me his number, and Emma. I’d like to keep it that way.
“I…see.” His tone was deadly. I hate that he was so scared and suspicious.
“Did you remember the magazine I asked for?” It was Emma’s voice that turned the topic. I glanced at her and tried to convey my appreciation with my eyes. “I need to redecorate my office. It… holds too many bad memories now.”
“Maybe this time you can use some colors other than white.” I smirk at her. The way my heart beat just a little faster when she gave me a subtle smile in acknowledgment of her help made me feel a bit better. Strange as this was, it was her and I against the world in this one matter. We only had each other to watch our backs, and I felt like it might actually be enough. Scott didn’t realize what good taste in women he had, but I did. Her ability to turn the dinner conversation to interior design to keep it away from what I didn’t want to talk about was nice. Lately Scott wouldn’t have even noticed I needed the save. He didn’t pay enough attention to me to see it.
Chapter 5: Commiserate
When I walked into the medlab in the morning I didn’t see Emma. A short scan showed me that Henry was giving her one last check up before releasing her. I moved to the side of her bed and picked up the magazine I’d bought her the day before and started flipping through it as I waited.
Did I need new furniture? As I studied a dresser it dawned on me that I might, but until I knew what I was going to do, where I was going to live, I couldn’t really order it. I glanced over to the doorway where Henry had Emma. A lot was riding on Emma, on what she decided.
I set the rose that I’d brought with me in the glass on her table. It was a nice bud, partly opened and stood out in the drab room. I know she loves white, but it was red. I placed the rose and I left.
My room, our room, had a pile of boxes in it. I’d ignored the curious glances of the others as I collected the moving boxes and now it was time to do this. When Scott came back I wasn’t going to want to deal with this. It’s better if I do it first. My problem was trying to figure out who was moving, and where to.
My optimism didn’t extend to this, so I started pulling my winter clothes out of the closet first and putting them in a box. I’d leave them boxed up so I’d be ready to leave if I needed to.
When I got a knock on the door, I’d hoped it was her. I felt a bit of hope, joy at the thought of
talking with her again. That made
I had to give him a small smile. He was at least checking on me, my other teammates were waiting for me to come to them, while secretly hoping they wouldn’t have to get involved. “I think I have enough boxes. It’s going pretty well.”
“He was an idiot.”
“It’s over.” I spoke softly, not wanting to hear once again how perfect Scott and I were together. We were often held up as the one successful relationship. I never told the others about the arguing, but distance, that it wasn’t as perfect as everyone believed, because Scott was a private man and wouldn’t have appreciated it.
“Maybe you two can work it out. From what I hear he never actually…”
“No.” My jaw tensed a bit as I fought the urge to talk louder. “Emma isn’t the cause, just the latest in a string of reasons.” I turned to put a sweater in a box. My voice was quiet. “I’d appreciate it if you told the others not to treat her like a plague. This is just between us.”
“But she…”
“He knew what he was doing!”
My eyes burned and I noticed
“Did you need help packing?”
“No.” I sighed as I looked at the job before me. This was emotional, upsetting, I didn’t need an audience for this particular pain.
“Where are you going?” I turned to see his eyes looking at me, almost looking into me with their sympathy.
“For now I’m going upstairs, to the room by the attic
stairs.” His lips thinned just a little
as he nodded. “I’ll see you at dinner
“Anytime you need one.”
After he left I spent a few hours packing, before I need a walk to clear my head. This time I took it alone and I headed towards the lake. It was a surprise to find I wasn’t alone. I hadn’t even checked on her, wanting to give her space. I watched the white clad form staring out at the waters quietly. She looked somber, fragile. She obviously believed she was alone or she wouldn’t have let that show.
“Hi.” I spoke softly and pretended I didn’t see her working to quickly cover up her tears as I started towards her. Scott was a fool twice over to hurt her like this. “Looks like Henry decided you didn’t need the wheelchair anymore.” He’d also allowed her back into her regular form. The diamond glitter was absent as pale flesh took its place.
“You better be careful Jean, people might start to talk.” She turned to face me with a slight smirk.
“They don’t talk around here.” I knew it was supposed to be a joke, but it was a sore point with me.
Her smirk faded, giving her a more serious expression. “Should I wonder why you appear to be stalking me?”
I took a deep breath and turned my eyes to the water. “I wasn’t. I just needed to get out of the mansion. This is where I usually come to think.”
We both stood there in silence, thinking nothing. Or at least I wasn’t thinking. I just stared out at the waters and wondered at the strangeness of my life. “How is furniture shopping going?”
“Fine.” Emma glanced over and me and I could feel the studying gaze. I didn’t turn to face her and just let her continue. “I’m waiting for Henry to clear me for shopping so that I can go pick up a few things.”
“I could offer to go with you.” I glanced over at her. Her suspicion was mixed with curiosity. “I can promise him to make sure you rest if you need it.” I gave her a small smile and waited. “I need a new dresser anyhow.” The room I was moving into was missing one.
She was quiet for a while. “It would be nice to get out for a while.” I could feel the hope bloom in me. I was so sure she’d turn me down. “Perhaps we could leave around ten?”
“That sounds good.” I watched her stare out at the waters again.
“You do realize that the others will talk.” The smirk was barely visible from this angle, but I swore I saw it. “You and I shopping together is going to raise eyebrows.”
“It’s really none of their business.” I took a step closer to her, but it was still too far to reach out and touch her. “None of this is Xmen business, it’s just between us.”
“Well, the rumor mill is at full force.” Emma turned to face me. “I heard you were packing.”
I had to take a deep breath. This was awkward. “I figure moving out of our room before he got back would be less painful. I don’t want to have to do that with him watching.”
“I didn’t do this to hurt you Jean.” She sounded so human, the mask fell for a moment and I cherished that.
“I know.” I gave her a sad smile. “I’ll pick you up at ten.” I moved to start to walk away so she could have her privacy.
“Thanks for telling
I just nodded and stepped back onto the path towards the house. The urge to tell her that if anyone bothered her about it, she should refer them to me came over me, but I kept quiet.
I did notice she didn’t mention the rose. Maybe she didn’t know it was from me, but I wasn’t willing to invade her mind to find out if that was the case or if the idea made her so uncomfortable she decided to ignore it. I’d grant her privacy.
********
With my powers I didn’t have to ask for help moving my belongings. Boxes followed me into the new room, one so close to Ororo’s attic. It was a shame my best friend wasn’t here when I could really use her advice. Of course given her feelings about Emma, perhaps it was best she wasn’t around for this. I’d never be able to keep Ororo from wanting to confront Emma, and I’d never be able to explain my own feelings.
I didn’t sleep well that night in a strange bed. The sheets were too cool, the room too quiet, and too empty.
Chapter 6: Consumers
I pulled the Jeep up to the door and waited. A mental touch showed she was on her way. I felt a smile cross my lips as she stepped out, dressed in jeans and a white short sleeve button up shirt that was actually a bit conservative for her. I’d gotten used to her uniform, which really left very little to the imagination, but she was right, shopping dressed like that would just cause problems. People would probably spend so much time trying to get a better look she wouldn’t get any service.
“Let’s get going before Henry changes his mind.” She spoke as she slid into the vehicle. “I had to listen to a half hour on the evils of overextending myself.”
I glanced over at her and took in the tired slump in her shoulders. “He really cares Emma. You were… Let’s just say we all thought he was insane to try and…”
“Put humpty dumpty back together again?” Her voice was so casual as she talked about that. I don’t think I’ll ever be that comfortable with it. I glanced at her lips, which had a slight sneer to cover up her own fear about how close that was. Those lips I found under her couch.
“Well, you’ve just joined the resurrected club. I’m the president.” I give her a small teasing smile. “Dues are required to keep your membership in good order.”
Her eyes softened just a bit before I turned to start the Jeep and move towards the gate. “So would a new dresser cover my entry fee?”
“It might.” I glanced over at her and felt a small thrill at the searching gaze I saw. It was open, honest, and the lack of sarcasm to hide her real feelings made me feel like I’d made progress. “But I want a light wood, not white.”
“And perhaps something with a bit more style to wear.” I didn’t let the irritation control me as she said that. I normally would take that as an insult, but I knew now that she was just like that. It wasn’t personal.
“Well, based on the amount of flesh your typical wardrobe shows, I think I should pick that out myself.” I smile over at her to make it clear I wasn’t snapping at her.
“I just don’t understand you.” She sighed with mock confusion. “You have the figure, but I’ve never seen you in less than full body armor.” I pulled the jeep onto the main road. “Well, that’s not completely true, you did have that one outfit that showed off your abs.”
The silence was a bit too loud so I glanced at her and smiled. “Maybe a new wardrobe is called for. You have enough time to help me out with that?” My clothes weren’t as bad and Emma indicated, but maybe something wilder would be helpful. Emma might like me in something more revealing, and with time really not on my side, I needed to push ahead with operation seduction or lose her to Scott.
********
I’d planned to buy a wood dresser that could also double as a makeup table, but as I followed Emma into her furniture store I realized there wasn’t a wooden anything in there. I’d never seen a furniture store that nothing but the ultra modern style she liked before, but I guess I should have realized it must be out there, since the shops I normally toured didn’t have anything like it.
“The office furniture is over here.” She indicated the path she’d be taking. “And bedroom furniture is in that corner.” She pointed to the back corner of the large store.
“I’ll go with you.” I was pretty sure I wouldn’t find a dresser I’d like here so I might as well. She started down that path without questioning that and I gaped at the odd coffee tables and couches as I went past. Apparently what I’d considered her strange style could be worse.
“Have you considered painting the walls?” I asked as I walked beside her. “All that white in one room looks a bit sterile. A little color could do wonders.” I was thinking a subtle color and the furniture here came in white, black or bright colors. I don’t think anything I could see in the distance qualified as a soothing muted color.
“I like all white, it’s clean and crisp.”
********
“What do you think?” I stepped out of the dressing room and did a small turn to show off the little red dress.
“Oh, that’s nice.” Emma glanced over at me from the mirror she was looking at her own outfit from. White of course, but it was hugging her form very well.
“That looks very sexy.” I nod towards her and kept my voice very sincere. It wasn’t hard. I’d always thought Emma was beautiful, I just used to think her being a complete bitch counteracted it. “Maybe with your hair partly up…” I moved closer to her and carefully moved my hands under her hair, barely brushing over her shoulders as I took some and pulled it up loosely to show her what I meant. Her body was frozen for just a moment in shock before she covered it and looked into the mirror to see what I was doing. It took effort to not grin too flirtatiously as I held the hair in place. “See. That looks nice.”
“So what you’re saying is I should buy this outfit.”
I swear I must be more possessed than I thought I was because I gave her a rakish grin in the mirror and leaned forward to talk into her ear. “Definitely, you look amazing in it.”
Was that a hint of a blush? I moved back and slowly released her hair as she tugged on the skirt she was wearing. “Well, I think that exhausts this particular store out.” She glanced at me and again I felt like she was staring just a bit longer than normal. I couldn’t really blame her. I did get a bit obvious there for a moment. Her eyes traveled down to the small red dress that showed more than a hint of cleavage and came up high enough that I’d have to be careful how I sat in it. “Put that on my tab as well. You look good in red.”
“You don’t need to buy it. I do have a paying job.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about letting her buy everything. The dresser I accepted, because it seemed like a peace offering, but I wasn’t about to continue that on. It wasn’t a good dynamic, making her think she owed me. If I really thought she needed to buy me off for what she did, it would take a lot more than this, but I didn’t.
“Yes, but I have two paying jobs, and one pays a lot better than the other.”
I looked right into her pale blue eyes. “You don’t owe me.” Her mask slid into place as she smirked at me.
“I just like shopping and spending money. I’m actually using you so I can do that. I do it all the time, ask Angel. She was my last project.” Her eyes traveled over my body again, but it was only cursory. “You really do clean up nice.”
“Thanks.” I spoke softly acknowledging her compliment and the fact that I wasn’t going to argue anymore. If she wanted to buy it I’d let her. She was right, it wasn’t like she couldn’t afford it, and I knew she had her own insecurities in relationships with people. Emma Frost learned when she was young that people liked you for what you could give them. It wasn’t something that she’d get over quickly, but the fact that she was trying to buy my friendship indicated a change in our normally hostile relationship. She was going to meet me halfway in the only way she knew how.
And I used to think she threw her money around to prove she had it. Once again I was struck by how I’d managed to misinterpret her motives so often.
Chapter 7: Confession
The next morning I stared at the bags I hadn’t dumped after putting away my new outfits. Once Emma got started she’d moved like a bulldozer through stores picking out clothes for me to try. I honestly wondered if we would have made it home for dinner if she hadn’t been weakened still.
I picked the dark green shorts and crop top for the day. The dark colors set off my pale skin and Emma had seemed to appreciate this outfit yesterday, so I ignored the part of me that knew the others in the house would be surprised to see so much of me.
I couldn’t help smiling when I saw her sitting at the table waiting for breakfast a bit early. The lingering glance at the clothes I wore made me feel like I’d started my day out making the right decision. “Hey.” I moved to sit in the free chair across from her. “When were the delivery guys supposed to come?”
“They told me between ten and noon.”
“Want some help clearing out your old stuff?” I know it was showing off, but I took that moment to levitate a cup of water to me. A small trick compared to what I could really do. My telekinetic powers made me a very valuable mover and Emma wouldn’t be afraid of me using those powers. “I could help you do it in no time.”
“If you want to spend your morning lugging things to storage…” Emma shook her head and gave me a small smile.
“Oh it won’t take all morning.” I smirked, knowing I could do it all in one trip. I was looking forward to seeing her face when I had her furniture marching out the door and down the hall all in a row. Maybe I’d make them dance like the things in the Beauty and the Beast cartoon. I let myself imagine it and projected it into her mind. Her soft chuckle showed she shared some of my sense of humor.
Her answering imagined scene of the staff trying to avoid the furniture and being forced to dance around it made me smile.
“Care to share the joke?” A voice surprised me as Hank stood beside Emma’s chair.
“Oh, it was nothing.” I exchanged a glance with Emma to share a look. We’d keep our silliness to ourselves.
He reached out towards the teapot to pour himself some. “May I join you ladies?”
“Be our guest.” Emma answered with a straight face and I had to put my hand over my mouth to hide my smile. Apparently she’d seen that movie. He took the seat next to her.
After breakfast I followed her to her office. I was walking next her talking when I sensed him. The professor can around the corner, took one look at the line of furniture I was controlling and then back at me. I hate that look in his eyes. We aren’t supposed to avoid our powers, and these powers were mine, regardless of how I got them. “Jean.” He spoke with his hidden accusation.
“I’m helping Emma move a few things.” I glanced at her and could see in her eyes that she knew he was judging me.
“Jean makes a handy pack mule.” She gave him a fake smile, a cold one. “We need to get going. I want all of this taken care of before the new furniture arrives.”
~thank you.~ I sent to her as we walked away. We still had a while before the delivery happened, but it got us dismissed by the Professor to get back to work.
~I had no idea that it had gotten this bad for you.~ She sent back as we started up the stairs to the storage part of the attic. Ororo didn’t lay claim to the entire upper floor.
“Well, these powers come with a history.” I spoke once we were out of range from prying ears. “One everyone is afraid I’ll repeat.”
“I’m disappointed.” She spoke and I had to glance at her. I didn’t follow that. “This furniture hasn’t danced once.” She pointed to the row of it we were following, and with that one small comment she restored my good mood. I made her chair and couch do a little waltz to the wall before setting them down. “Show off.” She said, but this time it didn’t hold the jealousy I normally sensed in it.
“I try.” I smiled at her and just stood there, wishing it was appropriate to lean forward and give her a small kiss to show my appreciation.
We went our separate ways until the truck pulled up. This time I let the men do the lifting, even though it would have been easier for me. I watched as Emma directed them to where everything went. It was coming together nicely. When the dresser she bought for me came in the door she had them put it in the corner. I’d move that later. We didn’t want strangers wandering all over the mansion. When they left I sat down on Emma’s new couch, which was surprisingly comfortable for this style.
“This looks good.” I glanced around the room. It was still too white, but she’d already made it clear she liked it that way. It was even more white than before. Earlier we’d been busy moving things out, then moving things in. This was the first time we’d just been in here without work to distract us. I felt my tension grow as I thought about how it was less than a week ago that I’d marched in here angry with her, and even less time since I’d found her lips under the old couch.
Emma moved to sit on the new chair across from me and sighed. “Jean, why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?”
“This friendly act.” I didn’t like how she glanced at the spot I’d tossed her to the floor when I came after her.
“It’s not an act.”
But as I thought about it I could see how she’d be confused. Why she picked now wasn’t a shock. This was a place with history for us. “I told you that the
“Yes, and you proved what an utterly contemptible person I really am.” I glanced up surprised at her words. I brief touch before I could stop myself proved that she believed that. I’d managed to rend her from her pride in that moment.
“No, that’s not what I saw at all.” If she felt my touch she didn’t say anything as I took a glance at what I’d done to her from her eyes, and it made me sick. She believed she was shallow, which she wasn’t. She was manipulative, but I understood why she’d had to become that way now. I’d judged her unfairly, and it had stuck. “I am so sorry. What you think you saw isn’t the truth… it was what I wanted the truth to be.” I took deep breath, wishing we could have just moved on with our lives and never talked about this again, but it was a huge elephant in the room and if I ever wanted to get past it this needed to be done. “I wanted to hate you Emma. I wanted it so badly.” I looked up into her blue eyes. “But I can’t. What I saw, what I felt,” I wasn’t sure how to phrase this. “You are a remarkable woman, and I couldn’t help but respect you.” She looked surprised so I went on. “I like you Emma, and I hate that I’ve wasted so much time being so suspicious. I want to start over.”
“So you plan to play the good ex-wife and make friends with the new lady in Scott’s life?” Her words were a bit harsh and they hurt.
“I was hoping for something else.” I stared her in the eye. I had a feeling Scott wouldn’t be gone much longer, and if I had to live the scenario she’d just painted it would hurt too much to stay. “You still want him, after what he’s done?”
“Well you did say he was a free agent now.” Emma didn’t quite answer me. I wondered if she knew the answer herself.
“I also said I was too.” The words were out of my mouth before I could think about it, but I managed to keep my own surprise off my face. “Emma…” I looked into her face, her searching eyes. I wanted to just tell her yes, she was hearing me right, but it wasn’t enough. “Emma, when I was in your mind, I finally met the real you, and she’s smart, caring, sensitive, and lonely. I’d like to help with the lonely.” Scott and I had been together for so long, and before that I was the one that was pursued. I felt awkward as I announced my interest and I had to just wait for her to speak.
“That’s what the rose was about?” Emma showed no expression as she studied me. I was a bit surprised that she was bringing that flower up now, when I was beginning to wonder if she even got it.
“Just consider it.” I spoke softly. She wasn’t ready for this talk. I could see it now. “I’m not the type of person that runs when things get hard. Scott is a good man, but…” I sighed. Putting him down to win her wasn’t very honorable. I decided to stop going down that path now. “He isn’t your only choice.”
“So is this a trick to prove to him that I’m not capable of being faithful, or do you just want to get one up on him by bedding his mistress?” The voice was cold and controlled, and so very wrong.
“No.” I took a deep
breath and tried to focus so that the
I hoped that I hadn’t just ruined any chance I had.