Chapter 23

“She’s panicking, scared,” Jasper spoke and I turned to glare at him, knowing he was reporting on me. “I sense some guilt.” He continued quietly, every word he spoke damning me more. I glared at him and he didn’t bother reporting on my anger. My arms shook a little and I turned wide eyes to the others, before looking at Alice.

Alice had a slight frown on her face. “I am not with you because I want to stay wolf.” I told her as gently as I could. “If I had to give up my wolf for you I would.” I told her, hating the touch of pleading in my voice as I begged for her to believe me. “I don’t, I can’t, pick mates like that.” I struggled with words and just stared at her. I needed to tell her sometime, but not yet, not like this. I felt that warning feeling urging me to do something and I took a deep breath and stared down at the hands in my lap as a tear trickled from my eye, tickling my skin. I had to speak now, it was too soon and if I didn’t I might lose this chance.

I looked around the room, barely noticing the others, and then turned slightly in my seat to look at Alice. “I’m wolf.” I whispered, and swallowed hard. My heart was beating so fast and I knew they could all hear it. I ran my hands through my hair, tugging at it, and ruining whatever she’d done to make it behave as I fought the urge to scream. I didn’t want to tell her about the imprint yet, but I had to. I felt like I was robbing her of her free will, and I felt like I was a freak, so inhuman, I couldn’t even love normally. I couldn’t even give her that. I’d tried, but they weren’t going to let me.

I took another deep breath as I tried to think of what to say. “I broke the treaty when I was part of the pack.” I finally started at the beginning, thinking of that night. “Last spring, I was driving back from Port Angeles and I felt my powers and had to pull over.” Her golden eyes watched me and I was relieved that I didn’t see suspicion there, in spite of a few intakes of breath elsewhere. “I knew it was your hunting grounds, but the urge was too strong so I shifted and I walked into the woods.”

I heard some rising voices, but I blocked them out the same way I used to block out the various discussions the pack got into with the pack bond so I could think. “You were so beautiful that night.” I spoke softly to Alice. “I knew you were a vampire, but I could have easily seen you as a goddess.” I remembered the force of the imprint overwhelming me, and relived the feelings they invoked.

I could hear a quick gasp and glanced to the side to see Jasper staring at me with wide eyes. He looked stunned, too stunned to speak and rat out my emotions. It was Edward that reminded me others had powers here too. “What is an imprint?” He asked the question I knew I’d have to answer.

Alice spoke before I could. “I didn’t see you.”

I gave her a slightly guilty look, as I had to say it. “You are too reliant on your powers. I was down wind and that was all it took to stay hidden.”

“What is an imprint?” Edward sounded impatient and annoyed. I turned to look at him and gave him a low growl.

“I’m talking to Alice.” I snapped at him and glanced around at the others.

“Edward, you seem to think it is important.” Carlisle spoke and I stared into Alice’s eyes, slowly reaching out to touch her hand. I was hoping she’d hold my hand again.

“Humans have stories about finding ‘the one’ about there being a single person that is perfect for them. They pretend that they are monogamous. Wolves are monogamous, wolves mate for life, humans don’t.” I took a deep breath and my hands were starting to shake a little. I was so grateful when she held out her own hands to hold mine, to steady mine. “I’m trying to do this the human way for you.” My voice cracked and I hated that we weren’t alone. “But wolves know the second they see their mate, their imprint. Just a glance is all it took and you turned my world upside down.” I took a shaky breath. “You are my soul mate. Some wolves had to wait years, sometimes decades, to find their imprint.”

The gasps were all over the room, and I watched Alice’s eyes widen, but it was Edward’s voice that sounded panicked. “But we don’t have souls, we’re damned.” I ached for Alice to speak but Edward sounded so off I worried about him.

I turned to see his wide eyes staring at me, and he looked lost. “I’d heard that too, but it’s not true. I can’t imprint on someone without a soul, so it just isn’t true.” I was a little shocked at his glare and then he ran out, he actually ran. My eyes started to travel towards Alice, but Carlisle was staring at me too hard for me not to stop with him.

“Edward always truly believed we were damned.” He spoke, and the way he looked at the door made me think he was a little concerned about Edward now.

“I don’t see how anyone who’s actually met any of you could think that.” I spoke softly, but my eyes glanced at Esme, and then back at Alice when I said that.

Alice was staring out at nothing, her eyes unfocused. I could only watch her, as her eyes focused and unfocused, before she growled softly. “I can’t see any of this. You say this like it’s destiny, but I can’t see it.”

“It’s only my destiny.” My throat ached as I struggled with the words. “You have the right to refuse me. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I want you to love me for me, not out of pity because I’m not capable of…” I trailed off, rather than finish that thought.

“You’re not capable of imprinting again are you?” Alice sounded horrified and I nodded, glancing away. I really didn’t know what to say or do. I caught Rosalie’s eye and I was a little startled at how she was just quietly studying me.

“But if I can’t make you happy, you should deny me. I’m hardwired to want to make you happy.” My voice cracked and I tugged at my hair again, before forcing myself to look into Alice’s eyes again. “I can’t ever hurt you, I can’t ever cheat on you, it just isn’t possible. For the rest of my life I exist to protect you.”

“This is the real reason your pack kicked you out.” Carlisle spoke softly and I swallowed hard and nodded, without looking away from Alice.

“Get, go.” I barely heard the soft whisper of Esme. “They need privacy.” By the time I glanced around, I was alone with Alice, finally. They had really overstayed their welcome.

“I was going to tell you after we’d dated a while.” I spoke quietly, nervously. “I was going to tell you, just not like this. I didn’t want to do it like this.”

“This is a lot to take in.” Alice stared at my hands, and I found myself staring at our hands as well. “How does it work?” Her voice was gentle and I looked up to see a small smile, as if she were trying to reassure me, as she caressed my hand. I found myself releasing a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding and slumping down a little in relief.

“Sam, the pack’s alpha, is the only other one to have imprinted, that I know of.” I started. There were some stories, sure, but Sam was the best explanation I had. “He’d been dating Leah, and he’d heard about what imprinted was, but when you haven’t experienced it, even second hand, you can lie to yourself and pretend that you could date and fall in love like normal. He did love Leah, but the second he imprinted that relationship was over. He was so upset that he shifted and hurt Emily, and he still is ashamed of himself for that. It shouldn’t have been possible, but I learned from that and I didn’t date so I wouldn’t have a heartbreak on top of an imprint.”

Now I thought of the moment I had imprinted myself. “When I saw you I couldn’t look away. I remember being stunned into not being able to move, but I did know I’d frighten you if you saw me. I was wolf at the time. I thought I was supposed to hate all of your kind, and I thought you were supposed to smell so bad it would burn my nose.” My voice softened. “You smell so good, and your coven isn’t that bad.”

“Does the imprint work both ways?” I tried to look into Alice’s eyes after she said that, but she was looking off into the distance. “What does it do to the imprintee?”

My eyes widened, and I felt a bit of anger that wasn’t mine, reminding me that even if I couldn’t see the other vampires they were around. I pushed the emotions that weren’t mine away and stared at Alice. “I, I don’t know.” I took a breath and felt a small bit of panic that I did know was my own. “I mean, I didn’t think it did anything to you. There were stories about a wolf who had his imprint reject him, so I just figured it was one way.”

Alice spoke and it was quiet. “I am the only vampire here that likes your scent.” I watched her take a deep breath, and I didn’t need to be an empath to see she was reluctant to say the rest. “Jasper and I broke up last spring as well.”

I had no idea what to say to her. Jasper wasn’t her soul mate or she wouldn’t have become my imprint, but if I said that I could cause an argument. “It’s a soul mate bond.” I whispered, the only explanation I could give. Our bond would be stronger.

“What is it for? Why do wolves have this?”

“I don’t know.” I felt helpless. I could understand her questions and I wanted to have answers for her. “Some thought it was a gift from the gods for our service to the tribe, some thought it was for genetic compatibility so wolves would come out of the unions, some thought it was to make us not want to stay wolf and walk away from our humanity. No one really knows.”

“What do you think?” Alice asked me and I struggled with the answer.

“I’m a lone wolf.” I hated that my voice shook a little, and I looked away from her in shame. “Every day I’m alone I feel more and more wolf. I think we could lose all of our humanity if left unchecked. A mate would help to keep one sane, human in a way. I mean I imprinted on you and we can’t have kids, so it can’t be for that. Hell, the chances of a female werewolf to get and stay pregnant have to be pretty slim to begin with, so this isn’t about reproducing.” I lowered my voice. “I know the others would also think I’m crazy to think that imprinting on a vampire could be a gift, but I can do so much more with you than the others with their weak human mates can. I can share the woods with you. I don’t have to be afraid to break you. Sam has to be so very careful with Emily, and he’s always worried. I don’t worry about accidents with you, not all the time like he does.” I grimaced. “I don’t know what the right answer is Alice.”

She cuddled into me and sighed. My heart ached to reassure her, but the fact that she got closer to me for reassurance made me feel so much better. We sat quietly for a while. “What happened to the wolf that was rejected?” She asked and I couldn’t stop my flinch in time. She felt it and looked into my face.

“I don’t need to be your lover to help me deal with the imprint. If all you can do is allow me to be your friend it would help.” I couldn’t take away all her choices.

“And if we were just friends,” Alice spoke quietly as if just seeking information, god I hoped that was all she was doing, “you would be okay?”

“You would never have cause to help me get ready for a date, but I would survive.” I swallowed hard. “I wouldn’t kill anyone you ended up with, I wouldn’t hurt you like that.”

“Oh god, but it’s me or nothing for you, isn’t it?” Alice stared at me and her eyes were wide and pained. I tried, I really tried, but the tears started to fall anyway. “Oh Puppy,” She pulled me to her and her scent surrounded me. I tried to fight the shaking in my body and the tears humiliated me.

“You have to have a choice. You have to.” I muttered into her shoulder. “I just need to be a part of your life, but you have a choice. You do.”

“Oh god, Carlisle.” I heard the sound, teary, even from another story of the house and knew Esme was crying for me.

Chapter 24

I rested, unmoving, against Alice even after I managed to get control of my emotions. I was embarrassed and afraid that she was going to have trouble with dealing with this. It was too soon, after just one date, to lay all of this on her. “I’m sorry.” I spoke quietly into her shoulder.

“I’m sorry too.” Alice hugged me and I ached in a good way at the closeness. “You’ve been dealing with so much all alone.” She sighed, and went quiet for a little too long. “I don’t know what to say about all of this, but I can promise that you are at the very least my friend and you don’t need to deal with all of this alone anymore.” She leaned into my neck and I could hear and feel her sniffing at me. I whimpered as I bared my neck.

“You shouldn’t submit like that to a vampire.” Alice sounded breathless as she leaned away from me. I turned to look into her black eyes.

“I trust you.” I told her gently and then stared at her lips.

“I know.” Alice sighed and kissed me gently and far too quickly, before pulling back again. “I don’t really know what to do, my visions aren’t helpful and this is big, bigger than I’ve ever faced without them.”

“Don’t. Just continue like you never heard it and we’ll date and you’ll decide if you could accept me as a mate.” I spoke softly, a part of me knowing it was impossible to forget what was at stake, that she’d have to be influenced now, and I hadn’t wanted that. I gave her a hesitant smile. “I thought you were taking me shopping on our next date?”

Alice smiled gently. “True.” Her eyes seemed to become brighter as her smile grew. “If it is a date we’d need a better mall than the one here. We could go into Seattle.” I felt better hearing her plan our next date, but Seattle was a good 4 hours away, maybe with the way she drove she could cut that in half, but still that was a lot of car time.

“What about Victoria? It is closer.” I offered another idea, and thought of the passport I had in a baggy at the bottom of my luggage. Luckily that was where I kept it, because when I left home I wasn’t thinking about anything like that.

“Canada?” Alice gave me a puzzled look for a moment, before she started to smile. “The cute little shops might be fun.” I also didn’t add that they didn’t have as many shops as Seattle. As her plans started to include Victoria I relaxed. I’d have more time with her, without her driving insanely. I knew, even as charming as she was, no one was going to let her drive the ferry.

“You do know I can’t have any more clothes.” I finally told her, and I kept my voice quiet, knowing she wouldn’t want to hear it. “I’d love to help you look, but I just don’t have more space.” Alice’s eyes were sad. “I could use new tennis shoes.” I offered up, thinking of the fact that I’d ruined my pair shifting.

“Tennis shoes.” Alice sighed heavily and stared at me.

“I live in the middle of the woods. Anything else would be ruined before I got to a road.” I glanced around the room, rather than look at her disappointment.

“You could carry some nice heels out with you and change into them.” Alice offered and I smiled as I glanced over at her.

“I’m dating a midget, wearing heels would be a bit too much.” I smiled and moved back quickly to dodge the playful shove coming my way. “You already have to climb me, we need to make sure you can at least still see me.” I laughed before I found myself swatted in the stomach hard enough to sting. The sound of impact wasn’t too loud, but Esme was in front of us with a worried expression before I even caught my breath.

I watched Esme poorly conceal that she was looking me over for damage. I gave the brunette vampire standing in front of me a small smile, feeling a bit overwhelmed that she cared enough to check on me even when we were just playing around. “Mosquito would need to hit me with a car to hurt me, she’s too weak otherwise.” I teased, glancing at Alice when I said it and I enjoyed Alice’s pretend put out look.

“Well, that’s good.” Esme seemed to relax and I did what I could to not rub my sore stomach and worry her. I wasn’t wolfed out, and that tap was a bit hard. I got the message, short jokes were not appreciated. Or was it disrespecting shoes? With Alice it might be either.

I gave Alice a smile when Esme glanced away, pleased that she didn’t see me as fragile anymore. Later I’d explain that I was a bit more durable with fur, I wanted to enjoy that she wasn’t so afraid to hurt me for now.

“Alice, I’d like to borrow Diana for some shopping.” Esme spoke and my eyes jerked back to her.

“What?” I asked, trying to imagine myself shopping with Esme. I didn’t think Esme was addicted to shopping like Alice was, but I guess it wasn’t something readily apparent.

“Grocery.” Esme smiled at me, seeming to smile just a little too mischievously. “I won’t torture you with store after store, we just need one.” Esme’s eyes seemed to gentle. “You are the one that eats the food, I want to know what you like.”

I felt as if my heart had stalled for a moment, and I stared at the standing vampire in front of me. I could see what Esme was saying and I was amazed that she was accepting me so easily. I then was consumed by thoughts of what her role in the pack here was. “Are you the Beta?” I finally asked quietly, because if the Beta of the pack was offering to make sure the home was always stocked with food for me that was a completely different message, one of acceptance to the pack. I wanted that so badly.

“Beta?” I wasn’t comforted by the confused look on Esme’s face. I glanced over at Alice to see her frown just a little.

“We aren’t a pack Diana.” Alice spoke up and I watched her look at me, taking in the searching gaze. “Normal covens operate a little like a pack might, but we don’t operate like one of those either. We think of ourselves as a family. We all have a say in what happens and even though Carlisle is our leader he doesn’t dictate what will happen.”

“So you were asking if I was second in charge?” Esme asked and I blushed, because clearly I was misunderstanding a lot. I nodded. “Oh sweetheart, I speak my opinions just like everyone else.” She smiled at me, “But I am in charge of the groceries.” I thought I saw something in her eyes as she held my own hostage by her stare, and I slowly smiled and nodded that I understood. She wanted me to be pack, or family, and she was only in charge of groceries, so I would have a say in the food.

I had to go shopping with her. I couldn’t turn down an offer like this. I turned to look at Alice who was in the middle of staring blankly at a wall. I moved cautiously closer to her and started to reach out for her. Alice suddenly blinked, before I could touch her and she looked over at Esme, and the way they shared that look made me doubt that a pack bond didn’t exist, because I could see communication happening. “You should go shopping Diana. We can work on our homework when you get back.”

Esme drove and I had my car window down for the both of us. Her scent and mine were filling the car and it was such a small space. I had noticed when Esme had cracked her window and I’d just lowered mine all the way, because she was being polite again, but my scent was bothering her. Hers was kind of too strong as well, but she was so kind I was never going to say anything about it.

“If you can’t control who you imprint on, why did your pack treat you that way?” Esme asked quietly as she drove and I sighed as I considered her question.

“They feel I betrayed them.” I muttered and rested my head on my hand, while staring out the window. “Or that I would. And I would, even before I talked to Alice, if members of the pack attacked her or anyone she cared about I would have. I have to. I can’t let her get hurt.”

I felt the tension in the air, and took a deep breath. I was getting used to Esme’s scent, and the opened window was helping to dilute it. “So, what do you do with your time? I mean the others are in school, and Carlisle works.” I turned to her.

Esme smiled at me, and I enjoyed the more positive vibes in the car as she talked about decorating, and the occasional interior decorating jobs she took. She also talked about painting. The grocery store surprised me, when I noticed we were parking. I hadn’t noticed we’d arrived.

“What are you thinking you want to do after high school?” Esme asked as she started to push a cart someone had left in the parking lot. I grimaced at the question and followed her for a few steps.

“I don’t know.” I was embarrassed with my answer. “I’ll find a job doing something and make money.” I felt worse with that stellar plan. I sighed heavily as she stopped in the middle of the parking lot and gave me a searching look. “I had planned on college, but I don’t know what I’d major in and I can’t waste money without a plan like that now.” I glanced over at the store. “Alice is just a junior.” I muttered. There wasn’t a college near here, and I couldn’t move away from her.

“You do know that she enrolls in high school regularly don’t you?” I frowned as I remembered seeing the high school graduation cap display at their house. I had known this, but I didn’t think I could get away with it, or that I’d want to. The kids I went to school with now got on my nerves, how would I feel when I was thirty and sitting in class raising my hand for permission to go to the bathroom?

“Yeah, I noticed.” I muttered, but it was just another complication in a situation that really didn’t need it.

A car coming down our row had us moving again to get out of the way. Esme spoke more quietly. “I want you to come over regularly. I enjoy cooking and never have a reason to.” She explained as we stepped into the store. I swallowed hard, because no one loved cooking that much. She was doing this for me, and it didn’t feel like charity exactly. It felt a little like love and caring and I had done without that too long to object to it now.

I found myself following Esme through every aisle. “Do you like the smell of Tide?” She asked me about laundry soap. “You could use our washer dear, no need to pay for it and Alice would want to make sure your clothes are being taken care of.” When we were in the snack aisle I heard, “And these are supposed to be good snacks?”, but I blushed a painful red as we stood in another aisle and I heard. “Wolves menstruate, don’t they? Should we have some of these tampons on hand?”

“I can buy my own.” I muttered and glanced around, just to make sure we were alone.

“But I do remember how it used to sneak up on me, and you could start when you spend the night one of these nights.” Esme leaned in closer and I could hear her sniff. “You are safe from the rest of us, but somehow Alice is still attracted to your blood. Tampons are more effective than pads for keeping the smell of blood down.”

“How do you even know this?” I asked, my voice a quiet bark. I was not talking about this with Esme, I just couldn’t be awake, this had to be a nightmare.

“We are out and around women dear, we know these things.” Esme smiled and patted my shoulder, before reaching out and grabbing a box. “Heavy absorbent?”

“They feed their children this?” Esme muttered in what sounded like horror as we walked through the cereals. I smiled, feeling better now that all the really personal aisle were done. “I used to eat these.” I pointed to the box with the tiger on it. “Mom would cook breakfast, but I loved Saturdays, when I could just have my cereal.” I loved my memories of my mom, who would have loved me no matter what I did or who I imprinted on. I looked away from the cereal and away from Esme for a moment.

When I looked back Esme had a box in her hand, and was giving me a wide eyed look. “Do you want these?”

I let out a half laugh and looked at the box. “I eat so much now, it doesn’t make sense to buy something like that. I can’t just eat a bowl of cereal.”

“You could have it with your other food, or as a snack.” Esme offered, and I stared into her eyes. “You still like this right?” I didn’t even finish nodded and three boxes of cereal were in the cart.

“Thanks.” I whispered, and bumped up against her shoulder gently. She just gave me a smile and pushed the cart onward.

Shopping took a lot of time, and I was sure a human couldn’t have balanced all that food into one cart as we stood in the line to check out. It towered above the edges of the cart, as food, detergent, shampoos, and more held strong against the forces of gravity.

I stared at the trees as we drove past them. “Do you think they are done talking about me yet?” I asked quietly and turned to see Esme pulled her eyes off the road for a moment.

“I’m not sure.” Esme told me and sighed. I really respected that she didn’t try to hide the obvious. They were talking about me, they had to be. I felt her hand pat my knee gently before she put it back on the steering wheel. “As a family we all will need to adjust to what you’ve revealed. And then there is Alice.”

“Yes, Alice.” I sighed and stared out the window.

“You won’t really be okay as just a friend will you?” Esme whispered and I hated the ache I felt in my chest at her words.

“I really don’t know.” I let out a shaky breath. “It would hurt, but how could I take her choices away? I care too much about her to do that to her.”

“You are such a sweet girl.” Esme gave me a rather watery looking smile. I found her hand trapping mine to squeeze gently. “So very sweet. I’m sure she’ll see that. Alice is very smart and loving, and I’m sure she’ll see that.”

“Yes, but how would you have felt if I’d imprinted on you and told you all of this?” I noticed how surprised Esme was by the question. “Wouldn’t you feel trapped?”

“It’s a little hard for me to imagine. I am with Carlisle and have loved him even before my change.” That surprised me. “But if we’d broken up like Alice and Jasper, and you were just as devoted to me as you are to Alice.” Esme glanced at me. “I think I’d eventually realize how lucky I was.”

“Thanks Esme.” My voice caught and I had to look away.

A cold hand took mine and held it. She was getting my scent deep into her own hand and she didn’t pull away. I squeezed her hand gently and smiled just a little, as I debated about saying something. “I really like you. If you are ever in danger, I’ll be there to protect you too.”

“I feel safer already.” Esme smiled and didn’t draw attention to the fact she was a vampire and hardly defenseless. She took her hand back to turn the car and I turned to look out at the trees again. “And in return I hope you will show up at least once a day to let me cook.” I turned back to her with wider eyes, surprised that she’d played me. I stared at her smug smile for a moment and then nodded. I had already planned to come more often, and now it wasn’t charity.

Chapter 25

Things had been a little awkward when Esme and I returned. I could tell, by the fact that all the other vampires were in one room that they’d had some sort of meeting, but they all scattered so quickly when we got there. Alice was quiet and I couldn’t blame her for being a little distant. I just let her sit quietly in the living room and helped Esme put away the groceries.

“I heard humans say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Esme spoke as she was trying to find a place for the boxes of cereal.

“Any meal is important to a wolf.” I gave Esme a small smile. I’d rather have dinner here than breakfast, dinner was a larger meal, and if Esme really liked to cook there was more variety available for that meal. Dinner also didn’t come with a required end to the visit, I had school that would cut it short in the morning, but if Alice wanted to spend time with me in the evening I could stay.

I chatted with Esme about cooking and eating until the groceries were away and then I sighed heavily and stared at the doorway to the living room. “Maybe I should go?” I spoke very quietly to Esme and turned to look at her. “I did lay a lot on her, and maybe I should just go.”

“We still have our homework to do.” Alice’s voice was suddenly in the room and I looked over to see her in the doorway. She gave me a small smile. “Esme is done with you right?” She glanced at Esme and I saw the nod out of the corner of my eye as Esme answered.

I was practically dragged back to Alice’s room, and I felt such relief as Alice acted like she had before she knew. Some of it was probably faked, but I enjoyed her smile as she dragged me over to the computer. “I’ll type and look things up. I’ve been doing this for years.” Alice said and left me to sit on the bed as she sat at her desk with her laptop.

“Parents?” Alice said while opening a word document. I sighed and moved so I could see what she was doing.

“Jonathan Black and Jennifer,” I paused for a moment, trying to remember my mother’s maiden name. “Jorgensen.” I watched as Alice started what looked like a chart, and filled those names in. I was lucky to write papers with this program and she was moving so quickly that she had to wait for the computer to catch up to her. Alice filled in where my father was born easily, and I grinned a little. “You could just copy that for about two hundred years I think.”

I scooted to sit a little closer to her computer chair and watched the monitor as she moved to type in another ancestor. I gave her my grandmother’s information. When she moved her attention to my mother’s side of the chart I had to think harder. The tribe made sure we knew our father’s line, but my mother’s would be harder for me. I had been young when that grandmother died and I’d never met my mother’s father. We staggered through that generation, having to leave holes that Alice said she could show me how to research, since that was what our assignment was. It was sad that research would be needed just to fill in my grandfather’s name. It seemed a little soon to admit defeat, but I just couldn’t remember it.

“Ephraim Black.” I said as we moved to the next level. I glanced at Alice. “He was the one to write the treaty.” I told her, but I suspected she knew since she nodded. “He found his imprint relatively young. I glanced at the space for my great grandmother. I could answer these questions. I struggled to answer them as far back as I could, until there was really nothing left I could say. There were giant blank spaces, many spots of missing information, and I realized how much research we’d need to do. I didn’t even know how to do this research.

“We’ll be looking up birth certificates, death certificates and wedding certificates to fill this out.” Alice explained. “The latest ones won’t be too bad, but the records from a hundred years ago were all paper.” It sounded like she’d been frustrated by this before. She gave me a small smile. “I’ll get started on this tonight.”

“You won’t do it all, right? I mean I have to earn this grade too.” I felt awkward, because I strongly suspected if I said nothing I’d come to visit to find this whole thing done.

“I don’t sleep. I could have this done in no time and it isn’t like I have that much better to do in the middle of the night.” Alice told me with a smile, offering to do all my work.

I felt my heart sink, as my own sense of fairness crept over what she wanted. I wanted to give her something to do and her smile made it seem like she’d enjoy the assignment, but it was half mine. “I need to earn my grade.” I repeated quietly. “I can’t let you do all the work and take credit for it. It’s not right.”

That had her staring at me, her smile fading. “I didn’t mean to take over.” She spoke softly.

“No, no.” I fumbled with a way to not hurt her feelings. “Work all night if you want, but just don’t do more than half.” I sighed. “I just, I earn my grades. I’m a decent student and I won’t bring your grade down, I promise.”

“I didn’t think you would.” Alice rested a hand on my own and I looked back into her serious expression. She smiled slowly. “I’ll only do half, but I’m going to take the harder half.”

I had no idea how she’d determine what would be harder before doing it, but I just nodded. She was going to have to teach me how to do this. I watched Alice turn off her computer and when she moved to sit on the bed with me, I scooted back to rest my back against the wall so there was enough room for her to face me. Alice seemed to take a deep breath and relax.

“Edward might be a little pissy to you for a while. He seems to actually be upset by the fact you say he has a soul.” Alice shook her head and I was relieved to see no similar problems with her. “I never really gave it much thought myself, but he’s defined his entire vampire life by the fact he is soulless and unworthy of heaven.”

“White men liked to claim other people lacked souls, to excuse what they did to them.” I muttered, thinking of things I’d learned in my old school about the influx of Europeans to America and the way they subjugated so many people by claiming they were soulless animals. “But I really don’t see how he could have believed it.” I shook my head. “I mean, to believe humans have souls just because they are human?” I stared at the wall, wondering at how messed up Edward really was. He hadn’t seemed it, but how could he have had a moment of happiness thinking he was evil and caring about it? “There were humans that I’d say were more evil than a human drinking vampire if I had to compare them, and still he thinks being human is all it takes to have a soul? What about Hitler?”

Alice smiled at me. “We gave up on arguing with him, because he wouldn’t listen, but maybe now he will wake up.”

“You have a beautiful soul.” I spoke softly and reached out hesitantly with my hand, wanting to touch her. I couldn’t see a soul, but being near her, talking to her, I could tell it was beautiful. Alice scooted closer and took one of my hands, her cool hand feeling good in my own. Her other hand moved up to gently tug pieces of my hair back into what she must have deemed their appropriate place, before she just caressed my hair down, petting me.

My head tilted to the side, and I sighed happily at her touch. “Can I try something?” Alice asked me softly and I could see her eyes were a little wider. She leaned in closer and her scent enveloped me as her face came closer to mine. Her lips were cool as she touched them to mine and I shook with the effort to not pull her closer as she seemed almost experimental in her tentative kiss.

She kissed me again, her lips closed, and I leaned in a bit more to try and make the kiss a little more intimate. “Venom.” She whispered as she pulled back.

“No danger.” I whispered back before leaning in to kiss her again. My hand moved to rest on her shoulder and my heart started to beat faster as she trusted me and leaned in to kiss me open mouthed. Her teeth were sharp, and I was careful as I kissed her. My body was shaking and I wanted to hold her tighter when she moved to pull back.

“Are you okay?” She spoke so softly.

“Yeah.” I stared at her lips, wanting them closer again.

“You aren’t about to shift?” That drew my eyes to her. “You are shaking.”

I blushed and noticed her eyes darken even more, before I looked down at our now entwined hands. “I just want you so much, and I’ve never wanted before.” My embarrassment was painful. I’d played at kissing girls on the res when I was younger, and it was somewhat pleasant, but this level of want was beyond my experience.

“Oh.” Alice let that out like a breath, before leaning in just a little more. “And my venom?”

“Huh?” I tried to follow her question for a moment, “Oh, I feel fine. I don’t think vampire venom would work on a werewolf, or we’d have nothing but vamp wolves.”

“That makes sense.” She leaned in and kissed me again, slowly, tenderly, and so very sexy, before sitting back. The distance was too much for my tastes, as it clearly said kissing was over. “I did it.” She seemed to whisper so softly, and her words made me think I wasn’t supposed to hear it, so I pretended I didn’t. Her eyes opened and she stared at me with black eyes. I felt the predator in her and I just submitted, leaning my head to the side.

Her gasp and quick movement surprised me, as I found her breathing on my neck. Her lips kissed me there and I found my heart hadn’t been beating anywhere near the fastest it could, as it seemed to double in speed. Her lips opened and her teeth held my flesh gently. I whimpered, and I knew my arousal was filling the room. Her growl was low and dangerous and I loved it, even though I knew I shouldn’t. Part of me recognized that she was a vampire, and this wasn’t just a show of dominance, just part of me. Sadly it wasn’t the part in control, and I held myself still for her. I felt no danger, but I knew she wasn’t completely in control at the moment. Her teeth loosened, and I let out a breath as I felt her start to pull away.

“Oh god.” I let out another shaky breath. “Alice.” My level of want just skyrocketed.

The door slammed open and I was so startled I jumped, before turning to growl at the intruder.

I could see Rosalie staring at us, before she focused on Alice. “I heard your hunting growl. Thought I’d come make sure your dog was still alive.” I growled at her menacingly, but Alice’s words stopped me.

“Thank you Rose.” Alice looked at the bed and not either of us. “Next time check faster.”

Chapter 26

It was quiet when the door closed again and I stared at Alice. “Why are you upset?” She’d stopped herself, I’d seen that. Her disbelieving eyes stared into me suddenly. “You stopped. You did stop all by yourself.”

“You weren’t going to stop me.” Alice spoke and I could hear a hint of accusation and fear in her voice. I didn’t like that at all.

“I didn’t need to.” I looked toward the windows and the trees outside, but my blush at the memory of her teeth on me only embarrassed me further. My voice became as quiet a whisper as I thought she could hear, hoping we could have even a hint of privacy in this house. “I didn’t want to.” I could almost hear her body tense and knew I’d have to explain. I hesitantly looked up at her through my bangs, almost afraid to stop studying the floor. She was staring at me, with a puzzled look in her eyes. “If this were really like in those books I’ve read, if you could really just take some, I’d give it to you.” Her eyes widened and her body leaned back from me a little. “But I suspect it doesn’t work that way, does it? I’m no Sookie and we can’t do that in the real world of werewolves and vampires, can we?”

“No, it doesn’t. If I taste some of your blood, it would be hard for me not to try to have all of it.” Alice sighed and I sat back down on the bed. “I’m afraid that you wouldn’t even try to stop me if I did bite you.”

“You won’t. I wouldn’t put myself in that danger, but you did pull away this time. That’s why I didn’t sense a need to stop you, because you were going to do it yourself, and if not you, well, Rosalie.” I frowned a little and glanced at the door. I was a little surprised, that of all the vampires around, it was Rosalie to check on us. Perhaps the others were giving us privacy, but still, Rosalie had come here once she thought there was trouble. I wasn’t sure what to think, so I brushed those thoughts aside for now. “I knew I’d be okay. I need for you to trust me on this.” I stared into Alice’s eyes. “I promise I won’t let you hurt me, and I’ll know if there is danger. I’ve avoided trouble before, but because I’ve avoided it you don’t know about it.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked and I took a deep breath. I needed her to understand.

“When you invited me back after you’d found where I live, I sensed that it wasn’t a good time. We will never know what I avoided, but I did. I have done it with you or your family before. I will most likely do it again, but the way my powers work, I can’t tell you what I avoid, only that I do. My powers work on you all, even though you are vampires and I’m not. Trust me.” It could have been easily that I would hurt one of them that day, and I strongly suspected it was, but still, it had to do with them.

I watched a pained expression cross Alice’s face and her shoulders slump forward a little. “It is so hard to not have my visions, to not know what will happen. I don’t want to hurt you, and you smell so good to me, better than the humans I spend all day with at school. I’m sorry.” Alice’s eyes looked sad. “I do trust you, but it is so hard to trust myself when I can’t see what I’ll do.” I moved forward and pulled her cool body up against mine with a sigh. The feel of her pressed against me made me feel like I’d been half awake the rest of my life and was only truly feeling now. Her arms snaked around my waist as well and we stood in silence, as I felt her body slowly start to relax.

And hour later, and after lunch I sat at the table, watching Esme’s back as she did dishes. Alice had watched me eat and while I felt a little awkward, I ignored it. Now I struggled with the sense that I was somehow in the way. I had nothing better to do today, my food stores were as large as I could have with my place being as it was. I sighed and stared down at the spot my plate had been. “Thank you for lunch.” I glanced back up at Esme, who smiled at me in such a way I just felt better, but even though I didn’t want to leave, I needed to give them space. “I should head out. I have errands to run.” I was lying, I was going to be wandering the woods, perhaps reading a book. I was going to be bored.

Maybe I could find another deer to increase my meat supplies, but I didn’t want to be irresponsible and kill more than I could eat before it spoiled. I’d just have to wait until Tuesday for a hunt.

“Do you really have to go? We could watch a movie, or play a game.” Alice interrupted, but I just felt, perhaps from Jasper, that they needed space. I made my excuses and left as if I had places to go and things to do.

………………………….

The next morning I woke with a start, and growled out at the scent approaching the shack, until I recognized it. I stood up and made my way on four feet towards the door, even as it opened, and I could smell more than vampire. Esme’s eyes were wide as she found me as a wolf, which was how I slept. I sat and watched her as my sleepy mind tried to catch up. My alarm hadn’t even gone off yet.

I let out a huff of air and nodded to her before moving to my bag, and my clothes. I looked over at her and then back at the bag. “Oh, of course.” Esme smiled and turned away from me.

Once I was dressed I glanced at the picnic basket she held. “You brought me breakfast?” I could smell it, I didn’t have to ask, but it was so incredibly sweet. I hadn’t planned to drop by her place this morning. Esme turned around to look at me and I had such a strong urge to hug her, even though her scent would stick with me all day.

I glanced around the room, but I had no table, and definitely no chair to offer Esme. It was embarrassing, but I moved back to the pile of blankets I had and tugged them into shape, before motioning she could sit. They were slightly damp, because the damp air of the forest got into everything that wasn’t in a bag. I sat down as well. “It smells great.”

“I thought you should eat breakfast, and Alice didn’t seem to think you’d come over for it.” Esme started to pull Tupperware out of her basket and I frowned. “No, she still can’t see you dear, but she did notice that your breakfast was still going to be around when school started, so it wasn’t hard to figure no one came to eat it.”

“I don’t want to wear out my welcome.” I blushed, and took the bowl she held out to me. “I thought I’d just come by for dinners, and that way maybe I could,” I stopped talking and debated with myself, while Esme’s eyes just seemed to gently bore into me. “stay for a movie, or something.”

“Oh, you can still come over for dinner dear. I bought a few cookbooks and I’m eager to try some of the recipes.” Esme even looked eager, so I was able to resist the urge to be ashamed of getting a hand out. “Maybe we can even cook together.”

I gave her a half smile in response and took a bite of some amazing eggs. It was unfair that this talent for cooking had been unused for who knows how many years. I watched Esme glance around my home with a critical eye and a frown. I sighed and just took another bite.

“I have a new interior decorating client.” Esme told me and I found myself surprised at the small talk, since last time I ate around her she focused on cleaning, or watching me eat. “I was given free rein on what the place will look like.”

“Well, given your house, I bet it will be better than they expect.” I offered and her expression seemed pleased and a tad shy.

“Thank you dear.” Esme took the bowl I had finished and replaced it with another. I stared at the bowl of milk, feeling confused. I was a wolf, not a cat. She moved and I found her giving a box of cereal a distasteful look, before she handed it to me. I had to chuckle as I took the box.

“Thank you.” I managed through my amusement and poured myself some cereal.

“Alice wants you to come by this morning so she can do your makeup.” Esme told me. “She would have come to get you herself, but I asked her to let me.”

I stopped the spoon from coming up to my mouth and stared at Esme. Clearly she had a reason to want me alone, and I felt my stomach clench as I wondered if the family decided I couldn’t join them, if they wanted me to stay away. Esme wouldn’t let them do that to me, would she?

“First off, I’m sorry I didn’t hear Alice start to growl.” Esme sighed. “I was giving you two some privacy.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t in danger.” I felt a little awkward now though. Esme’s eyes seemed disbelieving for a moment.

“I want to talk to you about sex.” I started to blush as she got to the point. “Your heart starts to pound when you are excited, as all humans do as well. We don’t do that, we don’t have blood, and there is no danger of us biting each other during intimacy.” Esme stared at me. “I want you to be careful Diana. It would devastate her if she hurt you, or killed you.” A cold hand caressed the back of my own. Esme’s voice softened even more. “I would miss you as well.”

“I’ll be fine.” I muttered quietly, torn between being touched at the caring or embarrassed at the subject.

“Alice’s control has always been better than my own. She seems to be rarely tempted, much like Carlisle.” Esme sighed. “I’ve never heard of her having trouble like this. Carlisle thinks that perhaps you are her singer.”

“Is that like an imprint?” I asked, confused. I didn’t sing, and clearly it meant something else.

“Not quite.” Esme sighed and seemed to sit back a little. She didn’t look very comfortable sitting on my floor and I felt bad I had no chair. A distracted part of my mind had me considering getting a chair or two. “I have, thankfully, never met a singer, but Emmett has. It is someone whose blood is so attractive that a vampire cannot resist, they are more appetizing than all the others.” I frowned just a little. “It is an individual thing, but the fact that you are wolf now and she still is attracted to your blood says a lot about the strength of it. I’m just so glad Alice never found you while you were human dear, it might have been worse for her.”

“What does this mean?” I was really confused now, and I ignored the comment on my ‘human’ time.

“It means that until she is more used to temptation, you need to avoid baring your throat, to start.” Esme’s tone became a tad more firm. “You two need to go slowly, let her adjust.”

I stared a moment. My voice was a mere whisper. “Does this mean you aren’t telling me to stay away from her?”

Esme’s eyes widened for just a moment, and then she gave me a soft smile. “I’d never say that to you dear.” I took in a deep breath, and noticed her scent didn’t bother me nearly as much as it used to, as relief came over me. It wasn’t a warning to stay away. I could deal with that. “I know you can’t, and Alice does seem to like you. If anything, I worry that you’d give up too easily, if you thought it would make her happy, even though it would make you miserable.” I barely flinched when I noticed the pale hand approach my face, and Esme caressed my hair. “Your feelings do count Diana, you made this all about her, but you matter too.”